View From the Bushes

I've lived in my current house for three years and every one of those years I've spent money on my central air-conditioning. Don't get the impression that I'm bitter, because I'm not I actually enjoy spending money over and over again to fix the same problem. I enjoy calling the technician at the beginning of summer every year and being told that their soonest open appointment is the second week of November. I enjoy leaving the windows open every night so that I don't miss a second of "Death of a Cat" a play in six parts which runs in my neighborhood every morning at four am. What I cannot stand is the heat.

I have a deal with my wife that we can never move south of our current latitude (though I suppose Antarctica would be okay). I just about had her talked into moving to Alaska until she found out about the mosquitoes. Apparently the story of the baby being carried away by a particularly large specimen was somewhat off-putting. But just look at the benefits. As of this writing when I checked the temperature in Barrow, Alaska was 32 degrees (0 for you metric snobs out there). Can you imagine the average temperature never getting above 50? Just the thought of it makes me want to shave my beard, change my name and catch the next dogsled to the Yukon.

My wife claims that what it really comes down to is watching too much "Northern Exposure". I'll admit that my view of life in Alaska is fairly idealized, but there could be a lot of really nasty surprises and all I would have to do is repeat the mantra, "I'll never be hot again..." and everything would slide off of me like snow off a polar bears back.

Carpe Diem Quam Minimum Credula Postero,
Ross