View From the Bushes

As I mentioned previously in this space (normally I would put a self-deprecating comment about my lack of readership here, but damnit if people aren't reading "View from the Bushes then they should because I'm comic genius. We now return to your normally scheduled column.) I consider the flush toilet, invented sometime in the 1590's by Sir John Harington (not as is often supposed by Thomas Crapper though anyone saying Alexander Cummings would still get full credit,) one of the greatest inventions of all time.

However that is not to say that things cannot go wrong. I should warn readers right now that the following story is neither particularly gross nor overtly scatological for that I refer the reader to the latest Microsoft Security Update. There is one non-handicap toilet on the floor where I work, and it has a problem. By all appearances it is completely normal, but when flushed some design defect causes the water, instead of entering at an angle, to shoot straight down the center where it hits the curved back and arc up in a fountain of perfume (eau de toilette). Needless to say I'm a fast learner, after the 15th time I learned to use the facilities downstairs.

I tried to think of an elegant segue into this last topic, but it's more difficult than you might think to get from toilets to one of the greatest actors of all time. Gregory Peck, far and away my wife's favorite leading man, passed away quietly in his sleep at the age of 87. Just a little over a week ago AFI named his role of Atticus Finch as the greatest film hero of all time. I can think of no finer tribute.

Carpe Diem Quam Minimum Credula Postero,
Ross